If we don't identify our doubts, then we can never resolve them
Identifying and even magnifying our doubts brings a true faith into focus. A faith where doubt is excluded from the conversation is a shallow one.
Note: Image is from my digital art and photography series “bANALity”
If you ever get bored you should read some “statements of faith” written by various Christian churches and compare them to what you believe. By that I mean what you honestly think privately in your own mind about God, religion, Jesus and all that. Personally, I don't find evidence that the Bible is the “word of God” that compelling. Especially since the Bible says the word of God is flesh, not a physical book. If you take all of the Christian bible literally, you'll have to do some mental gymnastics to have it fit with the actual reality that is life.
You have to do the same with statements of faith. You need them for churches to remain grounded in particular tenants and beliefs. They are meant to unify. However, they also serve as protection by excluding anyone who doesn't believe in God “the right way”. You might be one of these people if you are a churchgoer and don't adhere strictly to church doctrine. Catholicism is a great example. An extremely conservative faith, yet many adherents simply ignore church doctrine in matters such as sexual relationships before marriage.
That’s the great thing about not “signing up” to any particular Christian denomination or church. You don’t need to feel bound and restricted by things you yourself have doubts about. Do you really believe divorcees go to hell? Are children born cursed by God until they are baptised? Does everyone who refuses to worship Jesus suffer eternal torment? Of course not.
That doesn’t stop the fear that religion instilled in those of us indoctrinated into the faith from leaping out sometimes. I always think about this piece of scripture when I think of all the failures of Jesus’ church and the violence and abuse carried out by his followers:
Luke 9:26 “Whoever is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels.”
These are words added to the text of the bible to instil fear in believers. Worship Jesus as a god or else he will tell his Heavenly Daddy on you AND all the Angels too! But the reality is, those of us disgusted by our former faith in Jesus are not ashamed of him, we are disappointed. The religions promised the world. Miracles. Walking on water. Raising from the dead. Yet delivered what exactly? None of the above, just an indoctrination process.
An indoctrination process that made us curse ourselves for having normal human doubts to raise about such outrageous stories. They made our brains accept implausible and almost definitely false narratives about their messiah. We were tricked into worshipping idols. Something Christianity is supposed to warn against. Jesus the idol. The idols of the apostles. Those things that believers place before God. I was taught that having any doubt was just a lack of faith.
It wasn’t until I really confronted what I thought that I could come to terms with my own faith. There is no changing my cultural upbringing in a mostly non-religious family, yet we were sent to be taught about Jesus at the local Catholic church. I did first communion, first confession all the fun stuff where they teach you to pray like a robot. To be honest though, I never really had any doubts then because I trusted the adults that were in charge. I believed them, so it wasn’t as if I believed Jesus.
I have nothing to be ashamed of for my doubt. I am most definitely not ashamed of Jesus, I just take a Biblically accurate point of view. If Jesus is God and responsible for the entire Universe then it was HIM who indoctrinated us with false stories of miracles and other nonsense. It’s dissapointment really. We just wanted to know God, and instead we were presented with this caricature of God nailed to a cross. Gruesome images for children. So I am happy now I am older to have identified the doubts I have with my faith so I can resolve them and move on mentally. Hopefully, to move on to actual healing, not the pretend healing that religions still have on sale each week.