Not writing is like losing a best friend
I have not had the time lately to sit down and write and that has made me realise how important this outlet is for me.
I’ve written about writing before, but today, I’m writing purely for my own sake and enjoyment. Life has been busier than ever—between working a part-time job, running a business, and being a full-time husband and dad, it’s hard to find those precious free moments to sit down and write. The irony is that the busier you are, the more experiences you have to write about—you just don’t have the time.
Today, I wanted to reflect on writing as an old friend. When I don’t make time for it, I lose not only an outlet but also a part of my aspirations. I also fall out of practice in translating my thoughts into words, and my craft suffers. Living with bipolar disorder, I’ve noticed that sometimes I simply lose the appetite to write. Not because I don’t love it, but because depression has a way of stripping joy from even your greatest passions.
Imagine waking up one day and finding that something you once loved no longer sparks any interest. That loss of motivation can stretch into months of not writing—which doesn’t help my subscriber numbers on Substack! On the bright side, at least I don’t overwhelm my readers with too many posts. But that’s another effect of bipolar disorder and depression—the complete loss of confidence that makes daily life feel like swimming through thick soup.
Thankfully, I’ve managed to reach the edge of that soup bowl and peek over the side. I’ve found that as life remains stable, I’m better able to manage my symptoms, which tend to follow seasonal patterns. I can almost predict my bipolar “lows” with the change in seasons. Right now, we’re shifting from my least favourite time of year—summer into autumn (or fall, for any Americans reading).
This seasonal change has been particularly interesting because, after years of being self-employed, I now have to navigate these lows while staying motivated for my new job (which, thankfully, I enjoy). The upside? I now have extra money to invest in my business while still having time to run it. Money, the great motivator. While financial gain isn’t my sole drive (I obviously make nothing from Substack and still love it), there are still bills to pay and goals to save for.
Now that I’ve finally carved out some time to write, I find myself thinking about lost friendships—a common experience for those with bipolar disorder. Many years ago, I cut ties with my best friend. It wasn’t necessarily bipolar-related but rather a response to his behaviour. He struggled with alcoholism, and having witnessed the impact of addiction in my own family, I had to prioritise my mental health.
I couldn’t bear to watch someone I cared about continue down that path after seeing how it had devastated my loved ones. I don’t say this to be judgmental. The person I’m referring to will likely never read this, but I genuinely wish them well. They may not even drink anymore. At the time, though, I was dealing with my own crises, and I couldn’t take on more. Alcohol always brings more.
Thankfully, I’ve kept my friendship with writing. Even though it’s been months since my last post, I just wanted to write this short update to let you all know I’m doing well. Hopefully, I’ll be writing more often on different topics, but I know many of you appreciate my discussions on mental health, so I’ll aim to continue those too.
If you haven’t already, please subscribe. I don’t bombard my Substack with posts, so you’ll only hear from me every so often! And if you’d like to see more frequent updates, let me know in the comments!